In late January 2024, the University of California published the results of a new study that came up with tricks for moms to make sure their teenage son follows her orders, even if he doesn't want to follow them.
The significance of the study stems from the fact that it is the first study of its kind, as it included adolescents and multi-ethnic parents, who came from different social classes, and adolescents and youth ranging from one year old to Belong to wide age groups up to. 25 years, which makes its results generalizable.
Researchers worked to find the most effective means for parents to provide advice and support when the teen does not ask for it, as well as to motivate the teen to follow good behavior even if he or she is not convinced about it. yes.
Below, we review 3 tricks parents can use to persuade teens to follow their orders – according to the study in which 194 teens and young adults participated:
1- Support him emotionally
The goal of emotional support is to make the teen feel that his parents understand what he is going through, making him more confident in his decisions.
Researchers at the University of California report that teens not only benefit from receiving emotional support, but it also helps them learn how to effectively manage their emotions in future times of crisis.
A UNICEF report on how to support teenagers emotionally shows that this is not achieved by rushing them with advice, helping them with tasks or bombarding them with questions. Rather, you should first show compassion, saying, “I'm sorry you're going through this,” or, “I'm sure this has upset you.” “You have a right to be upset,” or ” It's okay, your reaction is normal.”
The report also recommends giving the teen a chance to speak first, listening to what he or she says and then saying, “Now I understand your feelings, I wonder if you are scared or frustrated.”
Also, do not try to take responsibility for fixing the situation, but rather discuss with him what he should do, to correct his mistake, or to improve his psychological state. You should show your sincerity in understanding her feelings, not be overbearing or sensitive.
In turn, the “Psychology Today” website stressed the need to show respect for the teenager's opinion – even if it … Causes anxiety – avoiding making a decision, controlling facial expressions and tone of voice, then asking him how he arrived at his conviction or decision before trying to convince him of another point of view.
2- Respect their personality and independence
Researchers at the University of California have confirmed that efforts to emotionally support the adolescent will fail unless his parents support his independence and respect his individuality. Otherwise, he will interpret them as merely a place to speak his mind, and he will not resort to them. If he is exposed to some difficult situation.
This happens when parents are unaware of when and how to provide support, and they inadvertently interfere in ways that the teen does not like, leading to a bad relationship between the son and the parent. Can happen.
As for parents who support their children's independence, they do not fall into this trap. A report from the University of Queensland explains ways to support teen personality:
- Encouraging him to participate in group activities inside and outside the home.
- Asking for their opinion on domestic discussions.
- Respect his opinion, even if it is not fair.
- Talk to him about topics of interest and passion.
- Encouraging him to engage in activities outside the home, away from the family.
- Helping him find his hobbies and ways to enjoy his time.
The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports regularly sharing some of your interests with the teen, using that time to guide him, discussing limits and not punishments, and good behavior and what you expect from him. , the importance of talking about is explained. Such as: agreement on the time of his return home and the number of hours spent using the Internet.
3- Don't build walls between yourselves
The teens who participated in the UCLA study followed their parents' instructions when they accepted; Some of them said, “My parents encouraged me to be myself,” “My parents told me to make decisions based on my interests, regardless of their preferences,” and ” My parents explained to me why they wanted me to behave this way, and how it was in my best interests.
The study also reviewed phrases that cause teens to refuse to follow parental orders. Such as: “Do this because I order you to do so,” “Don't discuss this with me,” and “This matter is not as big as you claim.”
Researchers said that if a teenager feels that his parents do not understand him, he will not follow their advice. Because they believe that these tips do not apply to their situation, and the parents' eagerness to get their son to follow their orders – even if they are forced – to solve problems and correct them in their absence. It weakens their decision making ability.
The researchers emphasized that the most important thing is not what you ask of your son, but how you treat him. The more you maintain your patience and the warmth of your relationship while respecting his freedom of thoughts and feelings, the more he will trust you over time, ask you for your opinion, and meet your expectations without discussion. Because he was convinced that the orders had no purpose other than his benefit.